Losing You
by Offcentercompass
Summary: Set in season 3 after rescuing Henry - short one shot that could be slotted into cannon. Regina's POV, established SwanQueen relationship fading/ending


Set in season 3 - established SwanQueen.

Comments gratefully received.

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Regina stood on the deck of the ship, Emma's arm around her. Arms that used to give her comfort, arms that were strong and had held her heart and her dreams. And she could now only describe the feeling she felt as empty.

She didn't know why, but somewhere the spark had gone. The fire and tension that had existed between them for the last year, the thickness in the air that they had finally realised was sexual in nature, it wasn't there anymore.

Regina sighed gently, trying not to let Emma feel her deflate. She supposed they had had a good run, sleeping together for nearly a year, each time hot and fulfilling. Desire had radiated from them, each woman enjoying being pulled close, closer, until only sweat separated them. And Regina could admit that she had never found such satisfaction or acceptance as she did when Emma was warming her bed.

And now, for some reason, Emma was slipping through her fingers. She didn't know if it was the stress of losing Henry to Pan in his jungle Neverland, or whether the kiss she had given Hook had settled in the blonde's mind and was now driving a wedge between them. All she knew was that the connection she shared with Emma wasn't right anymore. It was stretched and fraying, the easiness and welcome relief she drew from the bond was slowly being eroded. And if she was someone else it might drive her to tears. But she was Regina, a Queen, a woman brought up to take life's punishments and disappointments, so she would roll with this.

They had Henry safely back and she knew she should be glad. She should be happy with her son, he was, after all, her reason. She had told Pan she regretted nothing because it brought her Henry, and she meant it.

But, and here was the problem, she had opened her heart, begun to share herself. Not just with Henry. With his blonde mother too, and now she felt the blonde's absence like a gaping hole. It was ridiculous because Emma was still there, she hadn't died like Daniel, and yet, Regina felt her moving further away, out of her reach. She wanted to grab hold and pull her back, Emma's youthful exuberance had created a bubble round her heart. And it was now pierced, Emma had caught the edge of it as she backed away, tearing apart the safety and protection she had subconsciously built up over the past year. And now broken parts of Regina were leeching out through the fractures, her heart beat was stunted, because it beat for two people and one of them no longer wanted her.

Henry would have to be enough, Henry could be enough. She reasoned with herself, he had been before, he would be now. She just had to rebuild her walls. There was no point hoping, no point believing this would right itself. She knew better.

They went below deck in silence, swaying with the ship as they entered their joint cabin and Regina tried not to ponder what she had done wrong this time. She could get caught up in her own head for hours, cross examining her actions and her words. She didn't know whether she was the cause of this, or whether the collapse she felt coming could have been avoided. She struggled to fathom much past the ache in her chest, the hollow feeling radiating from her heart.

This was out of her control, she had surrendered that to Emma in a move that was completely unlike her. But it hadn't been a rash move, it had taken time, and trust had grown slowly at night after the physical had been sated. Emma had invested equal amounts of time and emotions just like she herself had. Regina thought it had been developing slowly and carefully towards love. Not the kind that stories were written about, her life would always be twisted, and any love she had was unlikely to look conventional. But she had thought this felt right, this felt like the beginning. How foolish she had been, she hadn't even seen the end until it was sailing past her.

She sat on the bunk with Henry, he was asleep after his rough ordeal on the island and Emma sat on the bunk opposite. Regina did sigh then, audibly and regretfully as she realised the distance was more than the width of the cabin. Emma was pulling away at an alarming rate and a coolness settled in the air where before there had been heat and fireworks. Emma avoided her gaze and Regina resigned herself to the inevitable. She looked at her son and stroked his hair back from his forehead.

She tried not to get stuck on the idea that for her past misdeeds she didn't deserve to be happy. Emma had repeatedly told her that wasn't true, and unfortunately she had begun to believe it. To believe she was worth it, that she could be happy. She shook her head, it had been a dream, a lie wrapped up to look like her happy ending. A blonde that was the product of True Love, a good person, she had been stupid to think she had a future with someone like that.

And if she needed any more proof, she had it. Her mouth was dry as her eyes filled up, so she buried her head into Henry's shaggy hair and hid her face. Emma had just stood up from her bunk, and Regina had hoped that just maybe she was coming over to sit with them, to join her and their son on the other bunk. To be a family, to be close and together. To halt Regina's runaway thoughts and quell her fears.

But Emma hadn't stopped, clearly the stilted silence unsettled her and she left the cabin with a grim expression. And Regina heard the footfalls as she climbed back on to the deck, where the only other person was a pirate, guiding his ship safely through the waves.

Regina sat there as waves rocked the boat and knew she had lost. She wanted to blame the sick feeling she had on seasickness but she knew better. She took a deep breath and held her son tighter, Henry was her world now and he was enough.


End file.
